Quotes/Jokes/Humor

A chat thread for all jokes, quotes, and humor.

hi!! this is gonna be my favorite i think!! i still love your avvie

thanks!

Humorous quote for today:
"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup."

Caretaker: *examining a skeleton that has fallen out of a grave with a look of total fear on his face*
Ben *popping out of a grave*: Hi. Do you have a cell phone I can borrow?

That's from National Treasure.

*spoiler for Narnia: Prince Caspian*
Lucy: Stop acting like grown-ups! I didn't THINK I saw him, I DID see him!
Trumpkin the dwarf: ...I am a grown up.


Guard: You're a...a...mouse!
Reepicheep: You humans have no creativity.

*end spoiler*

Hahaha! Both of those are hillarious! I just watched National Treasure Two today.

These are sooooo funny!!!

Some metaphors written by students in high school English class....

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other
sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.

McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag
filled with vegetable soup.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you
fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one
having left New York at 6:36 PM traveling west at 55 mph, the other
from Chicago at 4:19 PM traveling east at a speed of 35 mph.

Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only
one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan
just might work.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but
a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land
mine or something.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
just before it throws up.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
room-temperature beef.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.



I like the one about Phil best.

thats hilarious!!!!!

OMG!!! im ROFL right now. those were the most hillarious things i've ever heard. the freight train one was best.

Those were great!! I like the one about e-coli and room-temp. meat.

OK, funny story.

My Auntie and my Uncle are going to go to Honolulu with my second cousin who is 3. They're going to bring him to the zoo. So they ask me, "Are you going to come, Shaina?" And I say, "Well there's not a lot to do at the zoo..." (This was before I got into photography) And my uncle says, "Why not? There's cute boys at the zoo." And my Auntie says, "It's not cute boys, it's cute books."

...This illustrates my life pretty well.

And I got a quote for Brutus, guffaw:

"You can't just go around kissing people!!!!" - PD2 (Not all that great of a movie, but I cracked up laughing when I heard that quote)

Heehee. And my Aunty and I were cracking up laughing, but my Uncle thinks it's wierd that I'm not like every other teenage girl, just like staring at any guy she finds the least bit good looking.

That illustrates my life too, except I have a lot (or so it seems when you're all confused!) of guys who like me or I like. I am "torn" (but not really cuz I'm only a teen) between liking about 5 different guys... but so far they're all just my friends, which I think is smart.

Did I tell y'all the story about my best comrade and the old people's home?

I haven't heard it.

And there's a LONG story I could tell you to go along with what you said, but it would have to be in the GR/Relationships thread.